I want to save you
by drkmotiv8r
Summary: Ever since Rivkin...Michael died...was killed...by me, she's basically been on a marathon of one night stands." I Want to Save You by Something Corporate.


_standing on the edge of morning  
scent of sex and new found glory  
playing as she's pulling back her hair_

She walked into work again this morning with her hair pulled back in a tight ponytail,(much to my dismay) and slight bags under her eyes.(much to my concern)

Ever since Rivkin...Michael died...was killed...by me, she's basically been on a marathon of one night stands. The act in and of itself surprises me, coming from her at least. This whole ordeal that she's been through has quite literally broken her. Her sensuality, though always a part of her, used to be something she kept locked away, hidden. I had only seen her utilize it on about a dozen occasions, and the number of times it had been directed at me, shit I could count them on one hand.

_she drives away  
she's feeling worthless  
used again but nothing's different  
she'd stay the night  
but knows he doesn't care_

The bags under her eyes weren't from a wild night of activities, but rather from the fact that she never stayed. I would park down the street some nights waiting for her to get home, just to make sure she was safe. Some nights she would stumble up the stairs of her apartment building too drunk to walk a straight line and I'd thank the Lord she didn't kill herself in a car accident.

It was hard for me to see her like that, night after night coming home from some different man's house. She used to be so resilient, so beautiful and untouchable, now she's barely holding on by a thread.

_home by three  
deafening quiet  
the porch light's off  
yes they forgot it  
she'd cry herself to sleep  
but she don't dare_

I could see the hurt in her eyes, the way she felt she had been abandoned. She no longer wanted to have relationships with men, only relations. Her father tried to kill her, Gibbs understanding he had no choice, left her in Israel, I killed the only man she thought she loved, the list goes on and on.

Rarely(I say rarely because it really only happened once or twice) I would go look for her after an extended absence, only to find her curled up in the corner of a stall in the women's restroom, sobbing. I would put my arms around her until she calmed down, but she then shut down and simply wiped her eyes and exited the bathroom.

After one of those particular happenings, I found myself at her house again. That night she didn't come home until after 0300. She was fumbling with her keys since she was a) drunk, yet again, and b) it was so late they turned off all of the lights outside of the building, seeing as no one in their right mind would be out at this time; she wasn't in her right mind, heck I don't think I am either.

_and she wants to be a model  
she wants to hear she's beautiful  
she's beautiful  
i want to save you  
i want to save you  
i need you  
save me too_

I go home after work one day, the life style must have gotten to be too much for her and she's taken a day off to sleep. I walk into my apartment and lean heavily on the door, sliding down it as I sink my head into my hands, crying. I can't do this anymore, I can't watch her drown, it's probably the single hardest thing I've had to do in my life. She needs help, but am I, the biggest womanizer on the planet, the right one to save her? I want to, but maybe if I keep an eye on her, make sure she's safe, maybe that's the best way to help her right now.

She's the most beautiful woman in the world to me, and that his little to do with her looks.(Though she probably is also the best looking woman I have laid eyes on.) Her personality is something I have never encountered before, she can make me feel like a 12-year-old in her presence, intimidating me to the point of breaking, while all the while deeply caring for me in a way that makes me wonder if she really does care.

That personality has vanished lately, she has become cold and hard, as she was before she joined out NCIS family, but with an added emptiness that makes me long for the Mossad warrior she used to be.

She's losing herself, and I'm losing her, we need each other, even if she can't see it.

_dressed by dawn and out the door  
no light  
she memorized the floor  
so she could leave without being detected_

I wake up in my car one morning, her car isn't there. I'm worried but maybe she fell asleep at his house, whoever he was last night. I figure, if she doesn't show up for work, then I'll get worried.

She strolls in right on time, hair pulled back and wearing the same clothes she wore yesterday, with an unnecessary jacket thrown on to hide it.

I know I won't last much longer and I'm rapidly approaching the conclusion that I have to talk to her straight up, but I need to time it right. I'm going to her house tonight, and I'm not going home until everything has been talked over and hopefully sorted.

_she works till three  
it's uniform  
she dreams that he'll come by the store  
she prays for days  
when boys mean she's protected_

It's 1500, "quitin' time" as I used to say, back in the day when jokes were abundant. She seems like she's expecting someone, a visitor. She didn't come home last night, maybe this one is more serious, then again probably not. She seems to give up and slowly starts to pack up while I do at the same time. I finish before her and, as is customary between us, wait for her, walking to the elevator together. Gibbs will probably be here for hours and McGamer is "finishing" something....code for playing World of Warcraft. which he regularly does on slow days.

She walks close to me, closer than normal and, maybe it's just me, but it's as if the closer she gets, the more the pain goes away. She relaxes, if only a little, and the ever present crease on her forehead isn't as pronounced as usual.

_and she wants someone to see her  
she needs to hear she's beautiful  
she's beautiful  
i want to save you  
i want to save you  
i need you  
save me too_

So here I am, sitting outside of her house for hopefully the last time. I've ordered a pizza and try to keep myself from drifting as I wait for her to come home. At 0115 she parks her car out front and walks to the door, she doesn't seem too drunk tonight, good. I get out of my car and walk toward her, I don't want to scare her because really, who would be out at 0115 in the morning unless they were about to murder and/or rape someone, plus I know she probably still carries an assortment of weapons.

"Ziva," I say in a clear, yet gentle tone.

It doesn't work and she still jumps a little, but slowly turns around to face me.

"What are you doing here?" It breaks my heart that she is so guarded with me/.

"Can I come in?" I say in a stern tone, hopeful that she will understand that I'm not leaving until we talk.

"Well it's late...I was just about to go to bed..." she trails off as I interrupt her.

"You can make excuses, but I'm standing out her until we talk, I don't care how long it takes." I say staring dead into her eyes.

"Alright...Come in." She says quietly, seeming defeated, she opens the door and allows me to walk in as I close the door behind me.

We sit down on her couch. I don't know how to say what I want to say, but then it starts spilling out of my mouth.

"I want to save you. Save you from being broken. I want you to be about to trust again, to trust me. It's breaking my heart to see you throw yourself at a different man every night, come home in the middle of the night, and pretend your okay when I KNOW you aren't. Stop shutting me out and let me rescue you." I'm out of breath by the end of my speech.

She's tearing up, and her words come out between her increasingly larger sobs. " I need you to save me. I'm so lost. Why does everyone I love die or disappoint me? I've tried to ignore it for a long time, too long I think because now, now I can't even stand myself. I don't even recognize myself anymore."

She curls up on her corner of the couch. Immediately I move closer to her and wrap my arms around her.

"I'll never leave you, never disappoint you this way again. I won't let anything like this happen to you. I love you too much." I whisper this in her ear, wondering if she understands I just professed my love for her.

She looks at me through those tearful brown pools and gives me a small smile, "I love you, I think I always have. Losing you hurt me the most." she admits emotionally.

"Well you got me back babe, and this time your not getting rid of me so easily, you can try, but it'll all be in vain. I'm here to stay." I say as I give her a grin of reassurance.

I gave her a small kiss on the lips, then she laid her head down on my chest, closing her eyes. Eventually we both fell asleep, spending the entire night together on her ouch with her in my arms.

The END


End file.
